Our shared experience with Guilt:
On the world mental health day, I was talking to a friend who met an accident a few years back. I asked him if he has recovered from all the wounds inflicted by the accident. He told that physically he has recovered but, on the psychological level the wounds are still fresh. He didn't hesitate to tell me that it is the guilt of being the driver of the car which haunts him most. It doesn't matter if he is in office or bed, he constantly struggles with his thoughts. Though it was an accident, he never fails to take the whole responsibility for the event. Moreover, despite such a long time which has passed, he was suffering in the present and was prophesying that he will suffer in future as well. He had neither come to terms with the mistake nor with himself. What was most distressing was his unacceptance of himself.
On the world mental health day, I was talking to a friend who met an accident a few years back. I asked him if he has recovered from all the wounds inflicted by the accident. He told that physically he has recovered but, on the psychological level the wounds are still fresh. He didn't hesitate to tell me that it is the guilt of being the driver of the car which haunts him most. It doesn't matter if he is in office or bed, he constantly struggles with his thoughts. Though it was an accident, he never fails to take the whole responsibility for the event. Moreover, despite such a long time which has passed, he was suffering in the present and was prophesying that he will suffer in future as well. He had neither come to terms with the mistake nor with himself. What was most distressing was his unacceptance of himself.
Similar is the story with others as well who met
this emotion due to some situations or mistakes. Situations or mistakes could
be different but our behaviour, feelings, and thoughts are quite similar. The
situation could be anything from a working mom struggling to take care of her toddler
or a girl marrying someone against her parents wish or a man not giving enough
time to family etc.
Even the magnitude of guilt varies across
individuals in case of same mistake or situation. Sometimes the emotion lingers
for a few minutes and sometimes it lingers for years. But when it starts to
interrupt our daily life, the guilt is toxic and it should need to be
addressed. Such kind of guilt, generally, comes with a feeling of unacceptance
of the self. No matter where I am, it's the same with those who struggle with
toxic guilt.
Guilt: A society induced phenomenon
An interesting thing about the guilt is that it is instilled inside us by society. It is a social phenomenon. To a certain amount, guilt is necessary. Otherwise, society would be difficult to live. Society creates a moral conscience which takes shape from our beliefs, culture, and religion. This society induced conscience together with our obsessiveness to be perfect creates a difficult time with guilt. And thus, the law of karma turns into a Karma trap.
An interesting thing about the guilt is that it is instilled inside us by society. It is a social phenomenon. To a certain amount, guilt is necessary. Otherwise, society would be difficult to live. Society creates a moral conscience which takes shape from our beliefs, culture, and religion. This society induced conscience together with our obsessiveness to be perfect creates a difficult time with guilt. And thus, the law of karma turns into a Karma trap.
The impact of Guilt
Once the guilt pops up in the mind, our focus is diverted from everything else to firefight this emotion. We start to rationalise the event or the mistake to avoid the guilt at any cost. Sometimes this clicks, but other times a long battle takes place in our minds. Guilt can create unending self-talk. The mind looks for the perfect circumstances to be eligible for innocence. It forces us to revisit the mistake or the event and somehow convince ourselves that we have done no mistake. Like a pendulum, we keep on swinging from guilty to innocent. There seems to be no final verdict in the case.
Once the guilt pops up in the mind, our focus is diverted from everything else to firefight this emotion. We start to rationalise the event or the mistake to avoid the guilt at any cost. Sometimes this clicks, but other times a long battle takes place in our minds. Guilt can create unending self-talk. The mind looks for the perfect circumstances to be eligible for innocence. It forces us to revisit the mistake or the event and somehow convince ourselves that we have done no mistake. Like a pendulum, we keep on swinging from guilty to innocent. There seems to be no final verdict in the case.
One struggling with guilt suffers stress,
anxiety, compulsive thoughts etc. Guilt can take a toll not only on our
psychological health but also on our physiological health. One can feel
insomnia, blood pressure issues, heart issues etc.
The silver lining:
Being the "only" in the mind makes it difficult to get support. But it is very important to take help if guilt is turning overwhelming. One can talk to friends or near ones whom one can trust, or see a therapist, psychiatrist, or do yoga, or mediation etc. One can also find comfort in spiritual scriptures, articles, books, and literature.
Being the "only" in the mind makes it difficult to get support. But it is very important to take help if guilt is turning overwhelming. One can talk to friends or near ones whom one can trust, or see a therapist, psychiatrist, or do yoga, or mediation etc. One can also find comfort in spiritual scriptures, articles, books, and literature.
Embracing guilt is also one of the best ways to deal with
guilt. It is being “effortless” to the demands of a mind under the influence of
guilt. Its essence is captured very well by Lao Tzu in Tao Te Ching-
“Trying to control leads to ruin.
Allow your life to unfold naturally,
knowing that it too is a vessel of perfection."
In embracing guilt, we learn to forgive and love the self at the moment. Further, just remember, yesterday’s event is not a license to dictate today or tomorrow.
