The Bed & the Guilt

In any negative circumstances, we suffer most when we are alone with ourselves. Guilt is no different. Among any time in a day, the bedtime is worst for most of us. The bed is the place where our fears, guilt, shame etc. wreak havoc. We spend sleepless nights dealing with these emotions. The poem below beautifully captures our experience with guilt during the bedtime.   

The bed is the place where guilt grows.

Darkness falls,

Stories rise.

Body feels exhausted,

Mind seems activated

Events are revisited,

New narratives are created.

The bed is the place where mental fiction grows.

Such is the mind's role play,

All the parties to the case are present.

Hon'ble Judge is here,

Both, the prosecutor & the defense is here,

The annoying tick-tocking gavel is here, 

Unexpectedly, the witness is also here.

The bed is the court where arguments take place,

Mind unleashes new allegations,

Defense cripples with its versions,

The self remains a meek witness.

With no support from outside

We suffer in the silence of night

The bed is the place where the dispute grows

We twist & turn,

From this side to the other side,

As the stories are heard.

In these moments of loneliness,

Despite all the comforts,

We remain deprived.

The bed is the place where the endurance grows

As the tick-tock quiets,

A fresh breeze surrounds.

The self or the witness whispers,

Guides us to adjourn the court.

With a note "to be resumed tomorrow"

We let it go for the day.

The bed is also the place to let it go

Rejuvenating through Yoga

How many of us feel we are very busy with any kind of fitness activities?..almost every one of us. Our life in the modern world is fast paced. Every day is like a marathon starting from the point we get up to the point we get back to bed. We are in hurry everywhere be it driving, doing office work or any personal work. What else we are doing in between? We are busy on our gadgets browsing, chatting, shopping, networking etc.. According to a survey we spend nearly 3 hours on our mobiles. It is easier to spend time & of-course money through our mobiles but it is very hard for us to find time for ourselves.

What else has an impact on us? I am referring our environment here- the weather, air, food, water. The seasons now have extreme temperatures. Food is anything but natural. It is plucked days before it is served on our plates. It is genetically modified, have fertilizers, have pesticides & artificially ripened. You can imagine why you don’t get whole nutrition even after eating balanced food regularly. Similarly, our air is polluted with vehicular or industrial emissions and dust.

No wonder why diseases like high BP, stress, insomnia, anxiety, heart problems, chronic headache, asthma, gastric disorders etc. are on rising. The effect of toxins is such that some of us don’t even feel fresh after proper sleep. In such a given environment, we need daily rejuvenation. We need something to flush out the toxins every day.

Given our busy life & our environment Yoga is one of the best available options to lead a healthy life. It is a complete mind & body exercise. Actually, it is beyond mind & body. It needs about 30 mins a day which is even less than the time you will commute & get ready for a gym..no playground or no teacher..you don’t need a companion or friend. There are enough good quality resources available on the internet which you can refer to. You can do it all on your own..all you need is a blanket or mat, a well-ventilated room & an empty stomach.

Benefits of Yoga include flexibility, balance, better digestion, healthy aging, stress reduction, better sleep, concentration, resistance against diseases etc. The asanas help to activate our dormant glands and thus flush out toxins from the body. The benefits of yoga go beyond the body. We all know neuro-plasticity. Yoga can rewire the brain. It can upgrade our mind by making or breaking neuron connections for a healthy mind. It can help you overcome inner resistances & habits. The qualities like self-acceptance, empathy, stillness, and kindness would find a place in your heart automatically.

It is important here to mention that it is your journey to find your true self on your own. By this, I mean Yoga is not fixed to a set of asanas, pranayama & meditation. It is exploratory in nature & you have to take this journey through the eight limbs-Yama, Niyam, Asana, Pranayam, Pratyahara, Dharana, Dhyan and finally Samadhi. Even Patanjali didn’t mention how to take journey onwards from Dharana to Samadhi. It is you who have to take this forward.

Do it yourself & explore yoga in union with the supreme soul.

Embracing

Dealing with these difficult emotions and accepting that the past can’t be changed, our best bet to healing is embracing. Embracing opens our heart & mind. It makes space for all kind of emotions and thoughts. We are humans, not robots. We are designed to feel various kinds of emotions and to think anything. These are our normal tendencies or nature. When we go against these natural tendencies, we are in trouble. Embracing is a poem which can guide us to accept our nature with open arms.

Embracing is intriguing

It is neither winning

, nor it is losing.

Though on a higher plane,

It requires "no effort".

It is being indifferent

to the thunderstorm on a dark night.

Just as being observant

to the fluttering of butterfly in the sunshine.

Embracing is intriguing.

The path of embracing is difficult to pursue

Neither fixed nor defined.

The path is flexible and undefined

Yet is difficult to pursue.

It is a pursuit to nowhere far

But confined to the present nearby

It is to be patient

In the moments of doubt

Just as restraining

In the moments of arguments

It is a willingness to pursue

The path of embracing is difficult to pursue

Embracing is like a standing tree

One with nature.

Stable in pleasant weather

Just as flexible in stormy weather.

Waiting for the rain at a single place

Just as observing days & nights at a steady pace

Neither demanding an early sunrise

Nor demanding a delay in sunset

Cohabiting with the surrounding

Seeing the self in others

and others in the self.

Embracing is one with nature just like a tree.

Empathy

Strange but not rare,

Empathy brings strength.

When you see,

And feel,

Others' vulnerabilities,

The two stories meet,

Pain divides,

Perseverance multiplies,

Little hearts twinkle,

With extra shine,

Strange but not rare.

Self-forgiveness- A little sparkle in the dark

Self-forgiveness is the greatest weapon, in our battle against Guilt & Shame. Yet, our understanding of self-forgiveness lacks clarity. Self-forgiveness is not a one-time decision. In dealing with guilt & shame we need to revisit this decision again and again. But this doesn’t mean there is something wrong in our approach. All we need is to be ready with whatever arises in the process of self-forgiveness.  Here is the poem on self-forgiveness.

Memories of past imperfect,

can be as threatening as,

an active land mine,

with links to violent undercurrents.

Here & now,

attention stumbles on them,

then & there,

they pull into the eddy of emotions.

Strong is the current,

Stronger is the emotion,

The storm may settle

but, will trail behind the fear of return.

Fear filters out the light,

plunging us into the darkness.

The darker side dance,

to the memories of past.

We hope for a light,

To guide us sweep the mine,

To illuminate our mind.

To nourish the soul.

For past imperfect,

Forgiveness is the light we need.

But, forgiveness may not be an ever shine,

Neither it may be the brightest bulb on the tree.

Forgiveness is a sparkle,

Momentarily shining brightly,

Momentarily dim,

Twinkling in between.

We may feel its fleeting.

Here & now with us,

then gone.

But, that is how authentic forgiveness is.

Yet it is enough to calm the currents,

from turning into storms.

That's the little sparkle in the dark.

Guilt untold

We all suffer from guilt from time to time. For some it passes quietly for some it lingers for longer period. Those who suffer from Guilt suffer in silence. Here is a short poem which captures the varied experience with Guilt.  

Guilt Unfolds Strangely

For some it's the past gone,

For some it's the defining past,

For some it weighs few grams,

For some it weighs tons,

For some it's a brief episode,

For some it's a life sentence,

For some it's a Karma trap,

For some it's repentance,

Guilt unfolds strangely.

For some it's a spell,

For some it's conscience,

For some it's mental chatter,

For some it's an inner voice,

For some it's a storm,

For some it's an opportunity for peace,

Some resist,

Some embrace,

Guilt unfolds strangely.

A glimpse is enough

While we deal with guilt & shame, we have our moments of hope & love.  In starting these moments are very brief, but powerful. However, the momentum of emotions (guilt & shame) is so high that we fail to consider the significance of these moments. The moment or the glimpse of hope, love, and forgiveness is enough to retard the emotional momentum. Like a candle light is enough to light away the darkness.

A glimpse is enough

To begin any titanic task,

A small step is enough,

Feel content & rejoice in attempt,

As part of the journey.

Even a glimpse is enough.

Drop the curtains, to bare the mind,

Let in any thoughts & emotions,

Hang around non-striving,

Peek through the window of now,

A glimpse is enough.

With no waiting and conditions,

Rays of forgiveness & love gleaming,

Yearning to shine our mind,

In this moment to next moment,

A glimpse is enough.