A feeling called Guilt

To err is human. But, what follows after such an error is guilt, regret, and shame. We say to ourselves that the action or the behaviour was not good or we judge ourselves and say that we are not good. Usually, the feeling of guilt is accompanied by a feeling of shame. It happens because we don't judge our actions but "ourselves" as well. Self-analysis of our actions turns into self-criticism and self-rejection. 

Our shared experience with Guilt:
On the world mental health day, I was talking to a friend who met an accident a few years back. I asked him if he has recovered from all the wounds inflicted by the accident. He told that physically he has recovered but, on the psychological level the wounds are still fresh. He didn't hesitate to tell me that it is the guilt of being the driver of the car which haunts him most. It doesn't matter if he is in office or bed, he constantly struggles with his thoughts. Though it was an accident, he never fails to take the whole responsibility for the event. Moreover, despite such a long time which has passed, he was suffering in the present and was prophesying that he will suffer in future as well. He had neither come to terms with the mistake nor with himself. What was most distressing was his unacceptance of himself. 

Similar is the story with others as well who met this emotion due to some situations or mistakes. Situations or mistakes could be different but our behaviour, feelings, and thoughts are quite similar. The situation could be anything from a working mom struggling to take care of her toddler or a girl marrying someone against her parents wish or a man not giving enough time to family etc. 

Even the magnitude of guilt varies across individuals in case of same mistake or situation. Sometimes the emotion lingers for a few minutes and sometimes it lingers for years. But when it starts to interrupt our daily life, the guilt is toxic and it should need to be addressed. Such kind of guilt, generally, comes with a feeling of unacceptance of the self. No matter where I am, it's the same with those who struggle with toxic guilt.

Guilt: A society induced phenomenon
An interesting thing about the guilt is that it is instilled inside us by society. It is a social phenomenon. To a certain amount, guilt is necessary. Otherwise, society would be difficult to live. Society creates a moral conscience which takes shape from our beliefs, culture, and religion. This society induced conscience together with our obsessiveness to be perfect creates a difficult time with guilt. And thus, the law of karma turns into a Karma trap.

The impact of Guilt
Once the guilt pops up in the mind, our focus is diverted from everything else to firefight this emotion. We start to rationalise the event or the mistake to avoid the guilt at any cost. Sometimes this clicks, but other times a long battle takes place in our minds. Guilt can create unending self-talk. The mind looks for the perfect circumstances to be eligible for innocence. It forces us to revisit the mistake or the event and somehow convince ourselves that we have done no mistake. Like a pendulum, we keep on swinging from guilty to innocent. There seems to be no final verdict in the case. 

One struggling with guilt suffers stress, anxiety, compulsive thoughts etc.  Guilt can take a toll not only on our psychological health but also on our physiological health. One can feel insomnia, blood pressure issues, heart issues etc. 

The silver lining:
Being the "only" in the mind makes it difficult to get support. But it is very important to take help if guilt is turning overwhelming. One can talk to friends or near ones whom one can trust, or see a therapist, psychiatrist, or do yoga, or mediation etc. One can also find comfort in spiritual scriptures, articles, books, and literature.

Embracing guilt is also one of the best ways to deal with guilt. It is being “effortless” to the demands of a mind under the influence of guilt. Its essence is captured very well by Lao Tzu in Tao Te Ching-

“Trying to control leads to ruin.

Allow your life to unfold naturally,

knowing that it too is a vessel of perfection."

In embracing guilt, we learn to forgive and love the self at the moment. Further, just remember, yesterday’s event is not a license to dictate today or tomorrow. 

Balasana- A yoga-asana for stress and anxiety

Balasana is a very important yoga asana for stress and anxiety. It helps to slow down our thoughts and brings us inwards to our body.  It is also known as child pose as we lay down as a child in this position. It is also among the easiest yoga pose. In this post we will learn:

1. Precautions
2. How to do balasana
3. Benefits of the yoga-asana


Precautions:

The precautions are similar to what we observe in any yoga pose.

• Be empty stomach ( about 3 hrs after meal)
• And most importantly keep the mobile phone away during the practice

In case of issues mentioned below please refrain from the asana:

• Knee injury
• Hyper tension
• Pregnant women
• Diarrhea

How to do balasana:

Balasana is a sitting pose. It can be done when we are starting the yoga session or when we are making a transition from standing poses to sitting poses.
The steps involved are:

1. Sit on your knees and heels (similar to Vajra asana)
2. Take a deep breath. While breathing stretch your hands upward.
3. While exhaling bend forward along with the hands
4. Touch the mat by your forehead and hands stretched forward with palm down facing ground
5. Take a few deep breaths while in this position.
6. Afterward, come back to the sitting pose.
7. Repeat the steps for 2-3 times.

Benefits:

1. Helps to bring us to our body
2. Improves the flow of blood to the brain
3. Slows down thoughts
4. Relieves stress and anxiety
5. Makes spine flexible

The Heart Greater than the Mind

The mind is very powerful. But even more powerful is our heart. However, it takes a lot of practice to tap the guidance from the heart. The voices from the mind are generally louder than that coming from the heart. We need to calm down the mind’s chatter to seek wisdom from the heart. When tuned to the frequency of heart, we are home. A poem to have faith in the inner source of wisdom.

If the mind is Pandora's Box
The heart is golden fleece
If the mind is the sun,
The heart is the universe,
The heart is greater than the mind

If the mind can make cacophony,
The heart can make music.
If the mind can spin,
The heart can dance.
The heart is greater than the mind

If the mind can compare,
The heart can share.
It the mind can separate,
The heart can help to be intimate
The heart is greater than the mind

If the mind knows physics,
The heart knows chemistry.
The mind may desire one-day affairs,
Heart believes in a journey of a lifetime.
The heart is greater than the mind

If the mind comes up with self-criticism,
The heart comes up with self-love.
If the mind dwells in past & karma,
The heart takes you to the powerful present.
The heart is greater than the mind.

Shame, Shame

Like guilt, shame is another difficult emotion which has roots in the past. This is a culture implanted emotion and an individual can pay a heavy price for it. The experience & feelings with shame are captured below in the short poem: 

Eyes all around,

I am the focus.

Murmurs all around,

I am the focus.

Shame, Shame say they all

Through their looks and words.

I wish to vanish to unknown places.

But like an Ostrich, with no wings to fly

I bury my face in the ground,

Not only those who know,

But also by the unknowns,

Hunt me with Shame, Shame.

The cost of mistakes,

deliberate or non-deliberate, is too high,

Not limited to the real world,

The behavior spills to the online world,

Some comment, Some abuse, 

Shame, Shame everywhere.

The internal chaos swells,

As I sip & dip in self-criticism & questioning

Is there a blot on the portrait,

Or just a shadow for time being,

Am I good enough,

When will the shame, shame go away? 

The Bed & the Guilt

In any negative circumstances, we suffer most when we are alone with ourselves. Guilt is no different. Among any time in a day, the bedtime is worst for most of us. The bed is the place where our fears, guilt, shame etc. wreak havoc. We spend sleepless nights dealing with these emotions. The poem below beautifully captures our experience with guilt during the bedtime.   

The bed is the place where guilt grows.

Darkness falls,

Stories rise.

Body feels exhausted,

Mind seems activated

Events are revisited,

New narratives are created.

The bed is the place where mental fiction grows.

Such is the mind's role play,

All the parties to the case are present.

Hon'ble Judge is here,

Both, the prosecutor & the defense is here,

The annoying tick-tocking gavel is here, 

Unexpectedly, the witness is also here.

The bed is the court where arguments take place,

Mind unleashes new allegations,

Defense cripples with its versions,

The self remains a meek witness.

With no support from outside

We suffer in the silence of night

The bed is the place where the dispute grows

We twist & turn,

From this side to the other side,

As the stories are heard.

In these moments of loneliness,

Despite all the comforts,

We remain deprived.

The bed is the place where the endurance grows

As the tick-tock quiets,

A fresh breeze surrounds.

The self or the witness whispers,

Guides us to adjourn the court.

With a note "to be resumed tomorrow"

We let it go for the day.

The bed is also the place to let it go

Rejuvenating through Yoga

How many of us feel we are very busy with any kind of fitness activities?..almost every one of us. Our life in the modern world is fast paced. Every day is like a marathon starting from the point we get up to the point we get back to bed. We are in hurry everywhere be it driving, doing office work or any personal work. What else we are doing in between? We are busy on our gadgets browsing, chatting, shopping, networking etc.. According to a survey we spend nearly 3 hours on our mobiles. It is easier to spend time & of-course money through our mobiles but it is very hard for us to find time for ourselves.

What else has an impact on us? I am referring our environment here- the weather, air, food, water. The seasons now have extreme temperatures. Food is anything but natural. It is plucked days before it is served on our plates. It is genetically modified, have fertilizers, have pesticides & artificially ripened. You can imagine why you don’t get whole nutrition even after eating balanced food regularly. Similarly, our air is polluted with vehicular or industrial emissions and dust.

No wonder why diseases like high BP, stress, insomnia, anxiety, heart problems, chronic headache, asthma, gastric disorders etc. are on rising. The effect of toxins is such that some of us don’t even feel fresh after proper sleep. In such a given environment, we need daily rejuvenation. We need something to flush out the toxins every day.

Given our busy life & our environment Yoga is one of the best available options to lead a healthy life. It is a complete mind & body exercise. Actually, it is beyond mind & body. It needs about 30 mins a day which is even less than the time you will commute & get ready for a gym..no playground or no teacher..you don’t need a companion or friend. There are enough good quality resources available on the internet which you can refer to. You can do it all on your own..all you need is a blanket or mat, a well-ventilated room & an empty stomach.

Benefits of Yoga include flexibility, balance, better digestion, healthy aging, stress reduction, better sleep, concentration, resistance against diseases etc. The asanas help to activate our dormant glands and thus flush out toxins from the body. The benefits of yoga go beyond the body. We all know neuro-plasticity. Yoga can rewire the brain. It can upgrade our mind by making or breaking neuron connections for a healthy mind. It can help you overcome inner resistances & habits. The qualities like self-acceptance, empathy, stillness, and kindness would find a place in your heart automatically.

It is important here to mention that it is your journey to find your true self on your own. By this, I mean Yoga is not fixed to a set of asanas, pranayama & meditation. It is exploratory in nature & you have to take this journey through the eight limbs-Yama, Niyam, Asana, Pranayam, Pratyahara, Dharana, Dhyan and finally Samadhi. Even Patanjali didn’t mention how to take journey onwards from Dharana to Samadhi. It is you who have to take this forward.

Do it yourself & explore yoga in union with the supreme soul.

Embracing

Dealing with these difficult emotions and accepting that the past can’t be changed, our best bet to healing is embracing. Embracing opens our heart & mind. It makes space for all kind of emotions and thoughts. We are humans, not robots. We are designed to feel various kinds of emotions and to think anything. These are our normal tendencies or nature. When we go against these natural tendencies, we are in trouble. Embracing is a poem which can guide us to accept our nature with open arms.

Embracing is intriguing

It is neither winning

, nor it is losing.

Though on a higher plane,

It requires "no effort".

It is being indifferent

to the thunderstorm on a dark night.

Just as being observant

to the fluttering of butterfly in the sunshine.

Embracing is intriguing.

The path of embracing is difficult to pursue

Neither fixed nor defined.

The path is flexible and undefined

Yet is difficult to pursue.

It is a pursuit to nowhere far

But confined to the present nearby

It is to be patient

In the moments of doubt

Just as restraining

In the moments of arguments

It is a willingness to pursue

The path of embracing is difficult to pursue

Embracing is like a standing tree

One with nature.

Stable in pleasant weather

Just as flexible in stormy weather.

Waiting for the rain at a single place

Just as observing days & nights at a steady pace

Neither demanding an early sunrise

Nor demanding a delay in sunset

Cohabiting with the surrounding

Seeing the self in others

and others in the self.

Embracing is one with nature just like a tree.

Empathy

Strange but not rare,

Empathy brings strength.

When you see,

And feel,

Others' vulnerabilities,

The two stories meet,

Pain divides,

Perseverance multiplies,

Little hearts twinkle,

With extra shine,

Strange but not rare.

Self-forgiveness- A little sparkle in the dark

Self-forgiveness is the greatest weapon, in our battle against Guilt & Shame. Yet, our understanding of self-forgiveness lacks clarity. Self-forgiveness is not a one-time decision. In dealing with guilt & shame we need to revisit this decision again and again. But this doesn’t mean there is something wrong in our approach. All we need is to be ready with whatever arises in the process of self-forgiveness.  Here is the poem on self-forgiveness.

Memories of past imperfect,

can be as threatening as,

an active land mine,

with links to violent undercurrents.

Here & now,

attention stumbles on them,

then & there,

they pull into the eddy of emotions.

Strong is the current,

Stronger is the emotion,

The storm may settle

but, will trail behind the fear of return.

Fear filters out the light,

plunging us into the darkness.

The darker side dance,

to the memories of past.

We hope for a light,

To guide us sweep the mine,

To illuminate our mind.

To nourish the soul.

For past imperfect,

Forgiveness is the light we need.

But, forgiveness may not be an ever shine,

Neither it may be the brightest bulb on the tree.

Forgiveness is a sparkle,

Momentarily shining brightly,

Momentarily dim,

Twinkling in between.

We may feel its fleeting.

Here & now with us,

then gone.

But, that is how authentic forgiveness is.

Yet it is enough to calm the currents,

from turning into storms.

That's the little sparkle in the dark.

Guilt untold

We all suffer from guilt from time to time. For some it passes quietly for some it lingers for longer period. Those who suffer from Guilt suffer in silence. Here is a short poem which captures the varied experience with Guilt.  

Guilt Unfolds Strangely

For some it's the past gone,

For some it's the defining past,

For some it weighs few grams,

For some it weighs tons,

For some it's a brief episode,

For some it's a life sentence,

For some it's a Karma trap,

For some it's repentance,

Guilt unfolds strangely.

For some it's a spell,

For some it's conscience,

For some it's mental chatter,

For some it's an inner voice,

For some it's a storm,

For some it's an opportunity for peace,

Some resist,

Some embrace,

Guilt unfolds strangely.

A glimpse is enough

While we deal with guilt & shame, we have our moments of hope & love.  In starting these moments are very brief, but powerful. However, the momentum of emotions (guilt & shame) is so high that we fail to consider the significance of these moments. The moment or the glimpse of hope, love, and forgiveness is enough to retard the emotional momentum. Like a candle light is enough to light away the darkness.

A glimpse is enough

To begin any titanic task,

A small step is enough,

Feel content & rejoice in attempt,

As part of the journey.

Even a glimpse is enough.

Drop the curtains, to bare the mind,

Let in any thoughts & emotions,

Hang around non-striving,

Peek through the window of now,

A glimpse is enough.

With no waiting and conditions,

Rays of forgiveness & love gleaming,

Yearning to shine our mind,

In this moment to next moment,

A glimpse is enough.